counting

so today i had the urge to count all the freckles on my face. i was too tired to do this but i really wanted to. and then i thought about what if i counted things about me. like how many freckles i have, or how many hairs are in my eye brows or things like that. how many cds i have etc. etc. i could use that for my book. i'm still looking for something to make this final publication about. i really like the sea so i thought about doing that as well. who knows. i'm sure i'll think of something. tonight i batiked a t-shirt and it was exciting. i'm excited. hopefully it will turn out a little. even a little and i would be satisfied. i have the wanting need to move again, i dont know where but i really want to move. it might be a sign, but i also want to do a lot of things now, like make sculptures and stuff. i want to this summer. i'm going to i just decided. but who knows i may have to come back for an extra semester because my freakin class i was supposed to take this summer, well they don't offer it this summer. bastards! i just want to graduate. it's all i ask for, so i can figure out what the hell to do with my life. i've been hanging out by myself a lot lately and i like it. sometimes people just need a break from others. but this doesn't come easily because i guess when i do things out of the ordinary people think i'm angry or upset. and i just want to say "why can't i just be who i am" sometimes i don't have anything to say or sometimes i want to just do my own thing, is that so hard to handle? i just don't understand sometimes. if i was angry at someone i think they would know. i don't like others prying into my life sometimes, just let me be. i want to do my own thing. this is why i feel like iw ould be okay moving away because i can be great by myself or with others, i can handle either situation. i'm glad because there will come a time in my life where i have to be all on my own and i want to be able to handle it. off to sleep now.

kind of disappointed

so i'm in a somber mood, i think it my allergies, or cold, or whatever is going on with my body. so the ranting is done. and what provoked that ranting actually turned out different, we are still on two separate levels though. i wish i knew all the answers but i don't and never will. but the reason for this post is dissappointment. not with me but with a family member, or two. my aunt and uncle were in a car accident they cause, while under the influence of alcohol. my aunt was the only one who was hurt mostly because she wasn't wearing her seat belt, but i think all she had is a broken nose. i'm just glad they are okay, but i'm not happy with their behavior. someone, including themselves, could have been hurt. i just don't understand, i guess i thought they had more common sense than me, but i would never do that. i can see kids who don't know their limit and drink too much and think they aren't as intoxicated as they are, but two adults, who are around 40? plus they have an 11 year old daughter, my only female cousin on that side. i can't imagine what she is thinking, or how this is changiner how she sees life. i hope this will help them realize they need to be more responsible. i mean i know my aunt is the "fun aunt" but it's not fun when damage is being done to people and property. so yes i am dissappointed in my family members right now.

also i was visted by a mouse tonight, so i set up humane mouse traps in our apartment. i didn't realize how much something so small can effect me, a lot. i was freaking out, not because i saw the mouse but because it is here. who knows where it has been, has it been in our food? our dishes? our beds? it freaks me out a lot. plus i don't know what sort of germs it has, and i'm not a huge germ freak but having a rodent that might be carrying some sort of gross virus or something just running around our apartment free reign is frightening for me. this is also why i don't like camping, because it's like asking for creatures to come and visit you when you are out in the wild. i don't mind creatures, just when i see them first and approach them, also when it's light out. while i was buying mouse traps i saw snake traps and saw that my problem might be scary, but finding a snake in your house would probably be the most terrifying thing to have happen. that is my only fear of living in the southwest united states. i also thought of some things i fear and forgot about wasps and bees, that is the only thing i dislike about summer. you will never hear me disown summer again except when i see bees and wasps, i just don't like them, and i panic if i'm around them. that's why i have a print from printmaking 1 with a grasshopper and a bee combined (i don't like grasshoppers either) i discovered i use what i am afraid of in my art work. i use insects, and sea life. large bodies of water scare me, it would take a lot to get me scubba diving, i would feel trapped and it would not be pretty. i would like to conquer this fear because things in the sea are beautiful and to see them in real life and not just on tv or photos would be breath taking. it's like a completely different world in the water, some day i will experience it, today is not that day, nor tomorrow.

crisis mode

so as graduation gets closer i have entered crisis mode. i'm frantic, i don't know what to do after i spend my last days at drake. i know i need to find a job, but where? interviews, right i need to learn to communicate better. and then i started looking at fashion design schools but i'm torn because i don't know if i should go or try out a graphic design job first before jumping to any conclusions about it. i think i've decided to give the graphics a try and at least wait until next year to go back to school. plus we are moving to a different apartment which we haven't found, so moving...always fun. plus can't forget about student loans, oh yeah and the summer class at drake so i can "graduate" in august. all of these things i do not want to do. this is what is happening in my brain, it's like a curtain and that's all i see. frustrating. spell check is a lifesaver.

this is definitely a rant

so i'm just in a mood to rant about shit. about lies and liars, about how relationships are annoying. i'm not even in a relationship and i think that's why, i find them annoying. i've been in a few in the past but not for long and it's a good thing because i just think they are just a hassle. when i'm in them they don't seem it but afterwards i just think wow, that was fucking annoying. i'm not a patient person and i feel like relationships are a bunch of bullshit being tossed around. i can't handle waiting, and it's just because i don't like to wait, if someone asks me to email them and i do i would like a response and for me, a response would come about fairly quickly if i was interested, but others don't see things the same way. and i know it's just me being impatient but that's why relationships suck for me, maybe i'm being selfish and want things done when i want them done, but usually when things don't happen they don't happen for a reason. i'm a good judge of situations and i can normally tell which direction things are going. this probably makes no sense to anyone but me but i just like to ramble. what it comes down to is no one is tell the truth, no one is saying what they want, it's always a cover up. if you don't want to date,hang out, be friends, etc etc with anyone then say so. don't just do it because you don't want to hurt their feelings. if you don't want to go see a movie with one of your friends you don't like, don't do it. if you break up with someone and don't really want to be their friend, don't say it. why would you want to? honesty is key to communication. another reason why relationships annoy me, because i feel like anything anyone has said to me is bullshit and untrue which lately has turned out to be the case. when i say i want to hang out, i want to hang out, if i say hey call me, i want you to call me. if i say um. no thanks, that means no thanks. i don't just say things to say them, i back up my words. so yes this has been a rant about realationships and lies. they just piss me off and not in a bitter way, i'm glad i'm not in a relationship, but they just irritate me how things go involving communication within relationships and between people. i just want to say stop lying to me because that seems to be the trend and i'm fed up, what's the point really? what is the point of not being honest?

patterns

so i've decided for my book i either want to do a book of patterns i've created or an instruction guide. i love making patterns out of letter forms on the computer, it's what i do so i figured it would be really cool to make a book out of the patterns i make. my other idea was to make an instruction booklet for my job. after i graduate i won't be able to work at the library, they are kicking me out. and i have been training someone but i don't think it will be enough. i was going to just type everything out in word on the dell computer in my offfice but then i was thinking "what if i made a kick ass book to leave behind" it would tell everything about what the job entails, but it would be kick ass. the job is really boring but this would make it fun. i just think it would be a fun project to do, plus there would be lots of content possibilities. so that's my idea, an instruction book making work fun.

school

so yesterday i saw a school bus and i wondered who decided on yellow? i think it was a good choice but who made the decision and why. well...technology today is able to help fuel my curiousity. turns out


Frank W. Cyr, Ph.D. (July 7, 1900 – August 1, 1995) was an American educator and author. As a specialist in rural education, he organized the United States' first national standards conference for school transportation in 1939, starting what became an ongoing cooperative effort by those building and operating school buses. One of the most memorable accomplishments of the conference was a move to develop and standardize a highly visible color for the buses and their markings to help identify them to other motorists. Afterwards, Dr. Cyr became known as the "Father of the Yellow School Bus."

and i also read that he was concerned because kids were riding to school in all sorts of vehicles. with the busing they are all going to the same place, and are easily spotted.

how cool is that? i still don't think buses are that safe because no seat belts but i have a good feeling they wouldn't be out there if they were unsafe. what a statement.

i really want to make another pop up book, but a more fancy one. the last one was okay, but i didn't get to utilize my how to make pop-up books, book. p.s. this book was not a pop up book, but how funny would that be? a pop up book on how to make pop up books. if i get really excellent at making pop up books, maybe i'll make a how to book. over spring break i have big plans, i need to do a lot of fun art things i can't do during the semester because there is just no time, no time at all.

maybe i should make a book about the school bus. it would be really short and probably boring as hell. but funny, i like funny.