stranded

i ment to post this 2 days ago


i am stranded at Carnegie of all places. i guess it's a good place to be because it's forcing me to do work instead of things like, eating, or taking a shower, or even sleeping. but i did discover i like the band Tapes 'N Tapes. i'm listening to them right now on purevolume.com very handy. to day i really want to start making crazy t-shirts for my independent study, because well i just got the tools and i'm ready to go. i just need something to heat the wax so i can batik, i have some ideas but i won't know if they work until i try them out, but it's still very exciting to me. i have this old t-shirt from 6th grade i believe, maybe even 5th, or i guess i was nine. but it has a whale on it, and says save the whales or something like that, but i really want to make something out of it because the shirt itself is gross and old i mean it's about 10 years old if you calculate 6th grade to now. i have tons of shirts like that, and i'm a pack rat so i can't get rid of them because i might use them someday, a day like today.

i am still without a phone or a car, it has forced me to walk to school and i guess it's not all that bad, i should try and do it more often. the mornings are nice, but not when you almost fall because that sucks. i don't care about embarrassing myself i mean, it's me, but i'm so scared of falling because it will hurt so bad. i haven't hurt myself by falling in a long time and i'm glad because i think i would break something now. i'm a frail, old woman.

how to improve the world

today was the first time in my life i think i actually enjoyed winter. it wasn't too cold, but the trees and the snow on the ground was so wonderful. i had to walk many places today because well as lindsey put it my car "was being a bastard" she is correct. but it was nice walking today. my legs felt the burn and i'm sleepy so i should have a restful night sleep. i walked past this little hill just down the street from where i live, there was a patch of snow that was untouched it looked so soft i just wanted to lay in it. when i get a house of my own, i want to have a room that is just one big matress, then i can just go in and sleep. how great would that be? no one needs to respond to that, but for those who value sleep as a essential need and a hobby it would be fucking awesome! and swearing is necessary.

i really want to make another pop-up book. but with dinosaurs, i have a new affection towards dinosaurs i think it's because i feel they can make anything great. for example my LSD trip cake was ruined when a tower feel over late in the night. so i just bought a dinosaur and put it on that part of the cake. it turned out to be my favorite part and saved the party, THE ENTIRE PARTY! they are great and can fix anything. i think i should do a book about how plasic dinosaurs can fix any situation. i have that very dinosaur from my cake right here next to me as i type and i feel good about it. i think if more movies had plasic dinosaurs they would be more popular. i have a vase of flowers next to me as well. and i was just thinking, what if there was a plastic dinosaur in the wizzard of oz, the part where they are running through the red flowers, shit i can't remember what type they were, oh poppies, yes. pooopppies. i guess i'm in love with dinosaurs now, life is good.

but what is not good, when your apartment smells like the time you had the stomach flu and puked up a veggie burger from drake diner. yes, that is what my apartment smells like at this very moment. it's bringing backs some bad memories. the guys down stairs were cooking up something nasty and pretty much ruined my night. i think i'm very smell oriented, oh but wait there is my dinosaur...things just got better. hehe. i just had to talk about how our apartment smells because it's really bothering me. ahh. that's all, next on my agenda: sleep. hooray!

disconnected from society

so maybe it's not that dramatic but it does really suck in a way. my phone broke on thursday and it's definitely different. i don't mind it actually that much because well i am actually in a place where i have no contact with anyone. i don't have to worry if someone is trying to call me i can go anywhere and no one could reach me. i drove to iowa city this weekend and the car ride was great, it felt so nice to just be with my thoughts, not that i get very many phone calls but just the fact that i couldn't and i had to be alone in the car was great. once i get my phone back i think i'm going to turn it off more. but the only thing that did suck was the weather was crappy so if i did end up in a ditch i couldn't contact anyone and that would suck. but low and behold i get home from iowa city and get ready to go to my meeting, get in my car and it won't start. wow what a feeling... when i use ... that means "in a sarcastic tone" so i get in my car and it would start, awesome... now i have no phone, no vehicle i am disconnected. i'm just waiting because my computer will be next i know it already. but i am so frustrated right now it's unbelieveable. the heat in my car broke last week, and i just got it back and everything was grand, but now i can't even take it in because it won't start. and now i'll have to rely on others to get me places. i hate relying on others. i like to be independent in the sense where i don't need to rely on others because it just gets too complicated. how am i going to get here, how am i going to get there? i can't call when my classes are done for someone to pick me up, or from anything else. sooo FRUSTRATING!! i just get irritated when things break, or don't work, it's a pet peeve of mine. that's why technology is bad for me because eventually things break and stop working. then it ruins my day. now i'm going to drink water and go to sleep because that seems to be a logical thing for me. sleep cures everything, mostly bad frustrating days.

today i really wanted to paint a room, any room, it could be your room, just any room. i also have had the urge to move out of the state. one of my friends is moving to colorado and living in a house and he said they have extra rooms if i want one. it made me excited to think about moving, starting over, new experiences. i've never felt this way before and it makes me think i should take advantage and go with my instincts. but then i think about jobs and how/when/where i can get a job. and that concern doesn't matter where i'm going to live, it just sucks. i'm pretty sure this concern has been clouding my thoughts on everything lately, but i have no time to start worrying about this shit. but a change of scenery would be fun i think. so i should look for jobs in other locations. it's not like i have anything holding me back. i need to take more risks in my life, i'm a very nervous person so i don't take many risks because it makes me freak out a lot, and then i sleep a lot. but i think i'm getting better, i'm still very nervous but i'm trying really hard not to be, it sucks. it's hard to do things on a risk and then think about it for weeks on end, it's almost like regret, but i can't change anything about it, but i can not stop thinking about it.

for example. someone blocked my car in while i was parked in the drake lot. i was upset because well i had to leave and couldn't. so i wrote them a note saying how it's was convenient they blocked me in, blah blah blah sarcasm etc. so i put it on their car, and finally someone else moved, and i went home. no sooner had a gotten home i was like "i have to get that note, it was not something i want to do" so i went back and took the note off the car. if i hadn't it would have been eating me up inside for atleast a week. it's hard for me to let go of things, and not worry or think about it too much, so it's hard for me to do things i know will probably provoke this type of behavior. it's almost like i don't want to do things that are wrong, but they are such minute things that it shouldn't matter, but it does to me. the little things in life matter to me, almost too much. i over analyze and over think about small things that only i would freak out about. i did something on saturday and i regretted doing it the next day and i still feel like it's sitting in my stomach, just stewing away at my brain. that would be a fun drawing, i've already done a stomache in a door, maybe i could do a whole series. who knows, possibilites: endless.

today is the first time i have nothing to blog about, i'm searching my brain but i have nothing. but i guess i heard a new band last night, well they aren't new to the scene but they are new to me. they are called Red Wanting Blue, alt indie stuff. they are from columbus ohio and they opened for the nadas last night. i like when we have opening bands because it gives me a chance to do my job, be with people i like, listen to music which is my favorite thing to do, all while having new music brought to me. love it! i don't know what i would do without music, it keeps me entertained and busy. i associate certain music to certain people and i like that. this blog has encouraged me to locate more new music. i will do that. the blogging has been slow lately i think it's because i need more sleep. it's probably my favorite thing to do, sleep. so more sleep is my goal for the week. that and using dinosaurs in more things, i don't use them much and i feel i should.

so after my tie dye party i decided i want to start batiking again. i did it in high school and loved it i think it's really really great. and now that i have buckets of dye sitting in my kitchen it's a good time to pick up the hobby. i'm going to batik clothes that i have first because it's an interesting texture and i don't know if a lot of t-shirts are that way. we'll see how it goes, and i also have material for curtains i am going to make so that would be fun to make a border. a whole new world is opening up for me, it will be a good stress relief because to me doing thing not related to school and something i like doing, help me with school because my brain is turned off from school alllowing me to think more clearly. this is what i've discovered, whether or not it's true, i'm going to say yes.

angry hearts

i just made some angry hearts out of cloth and fabric paint for my valentine i'm supposed to make for GD2. lindsey said they seem demented and i think she is crazy. i'm in a crafting mood today, it's because i was hanging out a Michaels today. i bought some tie dye stuff because i love tie dye. i also bought supplies to make a castle cake for my birthday, a princess castle cake to be precise. i will feel like i'm on the food network show Ace of Cakes, i love that show it makes me want to take a cake decorating class, i know i said this last blog but i talk about the same things a lot. i should have a photo of my masterpiece when it's completed. i'll be working long into the night thursday but i like doing this type of stuff.

oh man bjork's Oh So Quiet just came on, this song is great. i'm pretty sure this blog has no purpose, i just wanted to say i like crafting. ooo and i didn't have to wear my winter coat outside today, probably the best thing that has happened to me all semester. it's like a whole new world out there when it's pleasant. if i could hibernate all winter i would. like bears do. i still haven't seen that documentary where the guy lives with bears, follows them around, etc. etc. i hear its great. i saw the first half of the move Spell bound. it was entertaining. spelling is not my strong point so these kids get gold stars from me for winning spelling bees. at my elementary we would have contests to see who could look up words in the dictionary the fastest. the teacher would say a word and whoever could say the definition first won. i never won. haha. but i like the paper they use in dictionaries. it's thin, and i like thumbing through it. and i like the chunks taken out of the side so you can find the beginning letters easier. yep dictionaries.

lately i've been having crazy dreams. not crazy in the sense that they are tripped out, but i wake up and i say "why would i dream that" it's frustrating because it's things i'm trying to forget about but my brain subconsciously brings it back up and i don't enjoy it at all. but normally i sleep on my stomach and both times i had strange dreams i woke up on my back which never happens maybe it has something to do with the way i'm sleeping, or i'm thrashing about in my sleep, who knows. but the first string of these dreams i woke up in fright which also never happens because i never have dreams that are so frightening i wake up out of breathe, but it happened. i can't even say what it was about right now but it was scary. i'm trying to think of the scariest dream i have ever had and i think it was when i was about nine. haha it's funny because whenever something takes place in my past and i have no idea how old i am i always assume i was nine, i guess nine was a big year for me or something. but i had a dream there were some huge giant creatures attacking my house and they made these horrible noises, so i was hiding. it's been a long time since this dream so that's all i really remember. but then i was somewhere about 6 years later and i heard that horrible noise or something similar and i just about jumped out of my skin, i was sooo scared. most of my dreams are very vivid as i'm sure everyones are but sometimes i have dreams about things that happened the same night i went to bed and when i wake up i don't know which parts are real and what i just dreamed up. just goes to show i live in my own little world. hehe.

but something i haven't had in a long time is deja vu. i love them it's one of my favorite things. i get excited when it happens because it's a feeling almost like freefalling. i miss it. k now i'm off to eat butterfingers and ice cream because i can.

that exists

today i received some chapstick advertising for "the art of kissing" 7pm feb. 9th pomeranz stage. i just started laughing. how awkward is that going to be, okay lets go and watch people we know make-out and teach us how to kiss others, and maybe we'll get a few practice rounds in there. seriously, what the hell? i guess i have a free tube of chap-stick so no complaints about that, but really, wow! i love how this is all centered around valentines day, as though that is the only time we really should make out and show affection for people we are involved with. that's just irritating. i mean i know the whole story about saint valentine and his uniting people in holy matramony when it was outlawed because "single men made better soldiers than those with a wive and kid/s" i wanted to make sure my facts were correct on this so i just looked at history.com and they give the story of saint valentine and then at the end of the story is says "a special thanks to American Greetings" if this isn't a "halmark" holiday i don't know what is. i mean i get it i really do we are celebrating the fact we have the freedom to love whoever we want blah blah blah, but can't we do that every day? i mean why not, it couldn't hurt. i dont know maybe i'm an idealist when it comes to this type of stuff but when i see people showing they care for each other but especially on this day it makes me think, why? why not the 15th or any other day of the week. i wouldn't turn down flowers if they were brought to me tomorrow. this is a rant and now it's over. and i don't like chocolate, maybe that's the underlying disapproval. and i don't hold an excellent thought process so my arguements are weak...yep.

today i realized as well i'm not a fan of jack johnson. i just don't like his voice or music, lindsey and emily love him, i do not. sorry jack johnson.

this is it

so lindsey and i, well mostly me, were watching a cake decorating contest on food network and i decided i would add that to a list of things i want to do in my lifetime. how cool would that be to go to a potluck or some sort of event and bring a fully decorated cake, it would be great! i think i just want to learn how to make food in general, i figure if i can alphabetize book via the dewey decimal system i can learn how to cook food. those two things are in no way related but makes sense to me. i wrote down in advertising class today some things i've said i've always wanted to do 1. see the PGA tour at pebble beach 2.go to a professional NHL hockey game where the pittsburg penguins vs. the new jersey devils 3. i want to open my own seamstress shop 4. i have tons of ideas for sculpture pieces so doing all those and putting them in a show 5. of course the cake decorating. the list will continue to grow.

i have mentioned before, i want to use food items to make art. i'm supposed to make lindsey a chair made of licorice, so i guess i will add that to my list because if i can do that i can do anything.

so yeah. this is what i thought of today as i was in advertising. oh i want to make a book on my birthday which is like next week so maybe not this year, but each year i want to make a list of every single thing i own, that is mine. it's a double edge sword because it makes me feel like wow i have susstained life on my own, but then it will make me feel like i have a lot of things and then i will want to give some away. that's what i'll do. i'll list everything i own, and see what i have the most of and give some of it away. i feel like clothes will be a large chunk because i never get rid of everything, mostly for sewing purposes. but yes a nice little book each year of what i own, it would make me think a lot if i read ones from past years. ha.

...

i'm pretty sure i ate too much food and it's poisoning my body. sometimes i don't know when to stop eating and then it's too late, i'm uncomfortably full. such an awkward feeling and it makes me sleepy, but then again what doesnt.

so going along with my prior post yesterday, i want to make something that involves touching and feeling. like a touch and feel poster or something like that. it's something i've always wanted to do, ever since last semester! i'm on a big "dealing with the senses" kick right now. i want to do more than have something people look at, i like interaction. my very first idea was "touch and feel twister" each little circle instead of being red, blue, green, or yellow (i think those are the colors? i never play cause i hate games) each one would be a different type of texture. example red would be soft textures, like blankets, feathers etc. but some would be gross like, sticky or squishy. i think it would add a new twist to the game. get it twist, twister ahahaha. i have this idea written down somewhere, but it's definitely something i will consider for my final publication, even though touch and feel twister is not a publication...it's a game. i'm going to keep hashing things out with this one cause as i said before it's something i really want to do! sooo touch and feel twister copyright sara withers2006. somedays i miss journalism law, today is not that day. and back to the twister idea. if it was more of an installation i would make it a one use game. and have all sorts of crazy things like food item and stuff, so it could be really gross. and as lindsey said touch and feel twister sounds pretty kinky so i guess it could go that way. it probably is already sitting in some adult toy shop. haha. so many possibilities with twister...it could keep you warm on those oh so cold days. this blog has trailed off and ended.

smells smell

so the other day i really wanted to make a book of smells. this is broad, but i've given it a lot of thought. okay. so most of how i document my life is done through photography. most of the photos i have are of my family, friends,etc. this is how i establish them, but what if i could capture their smell, or a smell that reminds me of them. it sounds creepy and well it really is, but every person, place or thing has a certain smell to them. and when i smell that smell or something similar i think of that person,place or thing just like if i saw a visual image of it, i automatically think of them. so yeah, instead of a photo album i want to do a smell album of sorts. i have no idea how one goes about capturing smells but i'll see what i can do. it would be some sealed container so the album would be an awkward shape, but i think i would make it out of an old box suitcase, and each page would have a sealed jar type thing, and a photo of the person, so when others smell the smell they will know who i see in my head when i smell the smell. i thought about having it like fragrance ads in magazines, where you open up the paper and it smells, but i don't even know where to begin with that. i'm pretty sure this all came about becuse i went home for a night and when i was at home i just smelled my house and it was home. so yes, i want to document the people and places in my life through smells, i think if i could pull this off it would be awesome! there is still a lot to be planned, but i think it would be great, and that way if i ever go on a long trip or move away from the things i know and love, i can take them with me, then i would have photos and smells so it would be as though i never left. another good reason to put it in a suitcase.