counting

so today i had the urge to count all the freckles on my face. i was too tired to do this but i really wanted to. and then i thought about what if i counted things about me. like how many freckles i have, or how many hairs are in my eye brows or things like that. how many cds i have etc. etc. i could use that for my book. i'm still looking for something to make this final publication about. i really like the sea so i thought about doing that as well. who knows. i'm sure i'll think of something. tonight i batiked a t-shirt and it was exciting. i'm excited. hopefully it will turn out a little. even a little and i would be satisfied. i have the wanting need to move again, i dont know where but i really want to move. it might be a sign, but i also want to do a lot of things now, like make sculptures and stuff. i want to this summer. i'm going to i just decided. but who knows i may have to come back for an extra semester because my freakin class i was supposed to take this summer, well they don't offer it this summer. bastards! i just want to graduate. it's all i ask for, so i can figure out what the hell to do with my life. i've been hanging out by myself a lot lately and i like it. sometimes people just need a break from others. but this doesn't come easily because i guess when i do things out of the ordinary people think i'm angry or upset. and i just want to say "why can't i just be who i am" sometimes i don't have anything to say or sometimes i want to just do my own thing, is that so hard to handle? i just don't understand sometimes. if i was angry at someone i think they would know. i don't like others prying into my life sometimes, just let me be. i want to do my own thing. this is why i feel like iw ould be okay moving away because i can be great by myself or with others, i can handle either situation. i'm glad because there will come a time in my life where i have to be all on my own and i want to be able to handle it. off to sleep now.

kind of disappointed

so i'm in a somber mood, i think it my allergies, or cold, or whatever is going on with my body. so the ranting is done. and what provoked that ranting actually turned out different, we are still on two separate levels though. i wish i knew all the answers but i don't and never will. but the reason for this post is dissappointment. not with me but with a family member, or two. my aunt and uncle were in a car accident they cause, while under the influence of alcohol. my aunt was the only one who was hurt mostly because she wasn't wearing her seat belt, but i think all she had is a broken nose. i'm just glad they are okay, but i'm not happy with their behavior. someone, including themselves, could have been hurt. i just don't understand, i guess i thought they had more common sense than me, but i would never do that. i can see kids who don't know their limit and drink too much and think they aren't as intoxicated as they are, but two adults, who are around 40? plus they have an 11 year old daughter, my only female cousin on that side. i can't imagine what she is thinking, or how this is changiner how she sees life. i hope this will help them realize they need to be more responsible. i mean i know my aunt is the "fun aunt" but it's not fun when damage is being done to people and property. so yes i am dissappointed in my family members right now.

also i was visted by a mouse tonight, so i set up humane mouse traps in our apartment. i didn't realize how much something so small can effect me, a lot. i was freaking out, not because i saw the mouse but because it is here. who knows where it has been, has it been in our food? our dishes? our beds? it freaks me out a lot. plus i don't know what sort of germs it has, and i'm not a huge germ freak but having a rodent that might be carrying some sort of gross virus or something just running around our apartment free reign is frightening for me. this is also why i don't like camping, because it's like asking for creatures to come and visit you when you are out in the wild. i don't mind creatures, just when i see them first and approach them, also when it's light out. while i was buying mouse traps i saw snake traps and saw that my problem might be scary, but finding a snake in your house would probably be the most terrifying thing to have happen. that is my only fear of living in the southwest united states. i also thought of some things i fear and forgot about wasps and bees, that is the only thing i dislike about summer. you will never hear me disown summer again except when i see bees and wasps, i just don't like them, and i panic if i'm around them. that's why i have a print from printmaking 1 with a grasshopper and a bee combined (i don't like grasshoppers either) i discovered i use what i am afraid of in my art work. i use insects, and sea life. large bodies of water scare me, it would take a lot to get me scubba diving, i would feel trapped and it would not be pretty. i would like to conquer this fear because things in the sea are beautiful and to see them in real life and not just on tv or photos would be breath taking. it's like a completely different world in the water, some day i will experience it, today is not that day, nor tomorrow.

crisis mode

so as graduation gets closer i have entered crisis mode. i'm frantic, i don't know what to do after i spend my last days at drake. i know i need to find a job, but where? interviews, right i need to learn to communicate better. and then i started looking at fashion design schools but i'm torn because i don't know if i should go or try out a graphic design job first before jumping to any conclusions about it. i think i've decided to give the graphics a try and at least wait until next year to go back to school. plus we are moving to a different apartment which we haven't found, so moving...always fun. plus can't forget about student loans, oh yeah and the summer class at drake so i can "graduate" in august. all of these things i do not want to do. this is what is happening in my brain, it's like a curtain and that's all i see. frustrating. spell check is a lifesaver.

this is definitely a rant

so i'm just in a mood to rant about shit. about lies and liars, about how relationships are annoying. i'm not even in a relationship and i think that's why, i find them annoying. i've been in a few in the past but not for long and it's a good thing because i just think they are just a hassle. when i'm in them they don't seem it but afterwards i just think wow, that was fucking annoying. i'm not a patient person and i feel like relationships are a bunch of bullshit being tossed around. i can't handle waiting, and it's just because i don't like to wait, if someone asks me to email them and i do i would like a response and for me, a response would come about fairly quickly if i was interested, but others don't see things the same way. and i know it's just me being impatient but that's why relationships suck for me, maybe i'm being selfish and want things done when i want them done, but usually when things don't happen they don't happen for a reason. i'm a good judge of situations and i can normally tell which direction things are going. this probably makes no sense to anyone but me but i just like to ramble. what it comes down to is no one is tell the truth, no one is saying what they want, it's always a cover up. if you don't want to date,hang out, be friends, etc etc with anyone then say so. don't just do it because you don't want to hurt their feelings. if you don't want to go see a movie with one of your friends you don't like, don't do it. if you break up with someone and don't really want to be their friend, don't say it. why would you want to? honesty is key to communication. another reason why relationships annoy me, because i feel like anything anyone has said to me is bullshit and untrue which lately has turned out to be the case. when i say i want to hang out, i want to hang out, if i say hey call me, i want you to call me. if i say um. no thanks, that means no thanks. i don't just say things to say them, i back up my words. so yes this has been a rant about realationships and lies. they just piss me off and not in a bitter way, i'm glad i'm not in a relationship, but they just irritate me how things go involving communication within relationships and between people. i just want to say stop lying to me because that seems to be the trend and i'm fed up, what's the point really? what is the point of not being honest?

patterns

so i've decided for my book i either want to do a book of patterns i've created or an instruction guide. i love making patterns out of letter forms on the computer, it's what i do so i figured it would be really cool to make a book out of the patterns i make. my other idea was to make an instruction booklet for my job. after i graduate i won't be able to work at the library, they are kicking me out. and i have been training someone but i don't think it will be enough. i was going to just type everything out in word on the dell computer in my offfice but then i was thinking "what if i made a kick ass book to leave behind" it would tell everything about what the job entails, but it would be kick ass. the job is really boring but this would make it fun. i just think it would be a fun project to do, plus there would be lots of content possibilities. so that's my idea, an instruction book making work fun.

school

so yesterday i saw a school bus and i wondered who decided on yellow? i think it was a good choice but who made the decision and why. well...technology today is able to help fuel my curiousity. turns out


Frank W. Cyr, Ph.D. (July 7, 1900 – August 1, 1995) was an American educator and author. As a specialist in rural education, he organized the United States' first national standards conference for school transportation in 1939, starting what became an ongoing cooperative effort by those building and operating school buses. One of the most memorable accomplishments of the conference was a move to develop and standardize a highly visible color for the buses and their markings to help identify them to other motorists. Afterwards, Dr. Cyr became known as the "Father of the Yellow School Bus."

and i also read that he was concerned because kids were riding to school in all sorts of vehicles. with the busing they are all going to the same place, and are easily spotted.

how cool is that? i still don't think buses are that safe because no seat belts but i have a good feeling they wouldn't be out there if they were unsafe. what a statement.

i really want to make another pop up book, but a more fancy one. the last one was okay, but i didn't get to utilize my how to make pop-up books, book. p.s. this book was not a pop up book, but how funny would that be? a pop up book on how to make pop up books. if i get really excellent at making pop up books, maybe i'll make a how to book. over spring break i have big plans, i need to do a lot of fun art things i can't do during the semester because there is just no time, no time at all.

maybe i should make a book about the school bus. it would be really short and probably boring as hell. but funny, i like funny.

stranded

i ment to post this 2 days ago


i am stranded at Carnegie of all places. i guess it's a good place to be because it's forcing me to do work instead of things like, eating, or taking a shower, or even sleeping. but i did discover i like the band Tapes 'N Tapes. i'm listening to them right now on purevolume.com very handy. to day i really want to start making crazy t-shirts for my independent study, because well i just got the tools and i'm ready to go. i just need something to heat the wax so i can batik, i have some ideas but i won't know if they work until i try them out, but it's still very exciting to me. i have this old t-shirt from 6th grade i believe, maybe even 5th, or i guess i was nine. but it has a whale on it, and says save the whales or something like that, but i really want to make something out of it because the shirt itself is gross and old i mean it's about 10 years old if you calculate 6th grade to now. i have tons of shirts like that, and i'm a pack rat so i can't get rid of them because i might use them someday, a day like today.

i am still without a phone or a car, it has forced me to walk to school and i guess it's not all that bad, i should try and do it more often. the mornings are nice, but not when you almost fall because that sucks. i don't care about embarrassing myself i mean, it's me, but i'm so scared of falling because it will hurt so bad. i haven't hurt myself by falling in a long time and i'm glad because i think i would break something now. i'm a frail, old woman.

how to improve the world

today was the first time in my life i think i actually enjoyed winter. it wasn't too cold, but the trees and the snow on the ground was so wonderful. i had to walk many places today because well as lindsey put it my car "was being a bastard" she is correct. but it was nice walking today. my legs felt the burn and i'm sleepy so i should have a restful night sleep. i walked past this little hill just down the street from where i live, there was a patch of snow that was untouched it looked so soft i just wanted to lay in it. when i get a house of my own, i want to have a room that is just one big matress, then i can just go in and sleep. how great would that be? no one needs to respond to that, but for those who value sleep as a essential need and a hobby it would be fucking awesome! and swearing is necessary.

i really want to make another pop-up book. but with dinosaurs, i have a new affection towards dinosaurs i think it's because i feel they can make anything great. for example my LSD trip cake was ruined when a tower feel over late in the night. so i just bought a dinosaur and put it on that part of the cake. it turned out to be my favorite part and saved the party, THE ENTIRE PARTY! they are great and can fix anything. i think i should do a book about how plasic dinosaurs can fix any situation. i have that very dinosaur from my cake right here next to me as i type and i feel good about it. i think if more movies had plasic dinosaurs they would be more popular. i have a vase of flowers next to me as well. and i was just thinking, what if there was a plastic dinosaur in the wizzard of oz, the part where they are running through the red flowers, shit i can't remember what type they were, oh poppies, yes. pooopppies. i guess i'm in love with dinosaurs now, life is good.

but what is not good, when your apartment smells like the time you had the stomach flu and puked up a veggie burger from drake diner. yes, that is what my apartment smells like at this very moment. it's bringing backs some bad memories. the guys down stairs were cooking up something nasty and pretty much ruined my night. i think i'm very smell oriented, oh but wait there is my dinosaur...things just got better. hehe. i just had to talk about how our apartment smells because it's really bothering me. ahh. that's all, next on my agenda: sleep. hooray!

disconnected from society

so maybe it's not that dramatic but it does really suck in a way. my phone broke on thursday and it's definitely different. i don't mind it actually that much because well i am actually in a place where i have no contact with anyone. i don't have to worry if someone is trying to call me i can go anywhere and no one could reach me. i drove to iowa city this weekend and the car ride was great, it felt so nice to just be with my thoughts, not that i get very many phone calls but just the fact that i couldn't and i had to be alone in the car was great. once i get my phone back i think i'm going to turn it off more. but the only thing that did suck was the weather was crappy so if i did end up in a ditch i couldn't contact anyone and that would suck. but low and behold i get home from iowa city and get ready to go to my meeting, get in my car and it won't start. wow what a feeling... when i use ... that means "in a sarcastic tone" so i get in my car and it would start, awesome... now i have no phone, no vehicle i am disconnected. i'm just waiting because my computer will be next i know it already. but i am so frustrated right now it's unbelieveable. the heat in my car broke last week, and i just got it back and everything was grand, but now i can't even take it in because it won't start. and now i'll have to rely on others to get me places. i hate relying on others. i like to be independent in the sense where i don't need to rely on others because it just gets too complicated. how am i going to get here, how am i going to get there? i can't call when my classes are done for someone to pick me up, or from anything else. sooo FRUSTRATING!! i just get irritated when things break, or don't work, it's a pet peeve of mine. that's why technology is bad for me because eventually things break and stop working. then it ruins my day. now i'm going to drink water and go to sleep because that seems to be a logical thing for me. sleep cures everything, mostly bad frustrating days.

today i really wanted to paint a room, any room, it could be your room, just any room. i also have had the urge to move out of the state. one of my friends is moving to colorado and living in a house and he said they have extra rooms if i want one. it made me excited to think about moving, starting over, new experiences. i've never felt this way before and it makes me think i should take advantage and go with my instincts. but then i think about jobs and how/when/where i can get a job. and that concern doesn't matter where i'm going to live, it just sucks. i'm pretty sure this concern has been clouding my thoughts on everything lately, but i have no time to start worrying about this shit. but a change of scenery would be fun i think. so i should look for jobs in other locations. it's not like i have anything holding me back. i need to take more risks in my life, i'm a very nervous person so i don't take many risks because it makes me freak out a lot, and then i sleep a lot. but i think i'm getting better, i'm still very nervous but i'm trying really hard not to be, it sucks. it's hard to do things on a risk and then think about it for weeks on end, it's almost like regret, but i can't change anything about it, but i can not stop thinking about it.

for example. someone blocked my car in while i was parked in the drake lot. i was upset because well i had to leave and couldn't. so i wrote them a note saying how it's was convenient they blocked me in, blah blah blah sarcasm etc. so i put it on their car, and finally someone else moved, and i went home. no sooner had a gotten home i was like "i have to get that note, it was not something i want to do" so i went back and took the note off the car. if i hadn't it would have been eating me up inside for atleast a week. it's hard for me to let go of things, and not worry or think about it too much, so it's hard for me to do things i know will probably provoke this type of behavior. it's almost like i don't want to do things that are wrong, but they are such minute things that it shouldn't matter, but it does to me. the little things in life matter to me, almost too much. i over analyze and over think about small things that only i would freak out about. i did something on saturday and i regretted doing it the next day and i still feel like it's sitting in my stomach, just stewing away at my brain. that would be a fun drawing, i've already done a stomache in a door, maybe i could do a whole series. who knows, possibilites: endless.

today is the first time i have nothing to blog about, i'm searching my brain but i have nothing. but i guess i heard a new band last night, well they aren't new to the scene but they are new to me. they are called Red Wanting Blue, alt indie stuff. they are from columbus ohio and they opened for the nadas last night. i like when we have opening bands because it gives me a chance to do my job, be with people i like, listen to music which is my favorite thing to do, all while having new music brought to me. love it! i don't know what i would do without music, it keeps me entertained and busy. i associate certain music to certain people and i like that. this blog has encouraged me to locate more new music. i will do that. the blogging has been slow lately i think it's because i need more sleep. it's probably my favorite thing to do, sleep. so more sleep is my goal for the week. that and using dinosaurs in more things, i don't use them much and i feel i should.

so after my tie dye party i decided i want to start batiking again. i did it in high school and loved it i think it's really really great. and now that i have buckets of dye sitting in my kitchen it's a good time to pick up the hobby. i'm going to batik clothes that i have first because it's an interesting texture and i don't know if a lot of t-shirts are that way. we'll see how it goes, and i also have material for curtains i am going to make so that would be fun to make a border. a whole new world is opening up for me, it will be a good stress relief because to me doing thing not related to school and something i like doing, help me with school because my brain is turned off from school alllowing me to think more clearly. this is what i've discovered, whether or not it's true, i'm going to say yes.

angry hearts

i just made some angry hearts out of cloth and fabric paint for my valentine i'm supposed to make for GD2. lindsey said they seem demented and i think she is crazy. i'm in a crafting mood today, it's because i was hanging out a Michaels today. i bought some tie dye stuff because i love tie dye. i also bought supplies to make a castle cake for my birthday, a princess castle cake to be precise. i will feel like i'm on the food network show Ace of Cakes, i love that show it makes me want to take a cake decorating class, i know i said this last blog but i talk about the same things a lot. i should have a photo of my masterpiece when it's completed. i'll be working long into the night thursday but i like doing this type of stuff.

oh man bjork's Oh So Quiet just came on, this song is great. i'm pretty sure this blog has no purpose, i just wanted to say i like crafting. ooo and i didn't have to wear my winter coat outside today, probably the best thing that has happened to me all semester. it's like a whole new world out there when it's pleasant. if i could hibernate all winter i would. like bears do. i still haven't seen that documentary where the guy lives with bears, follows them around, etc. etc. i hear its great. i saw the first half of the move Spell bound. it was entertaining. spelling is not my strong point so these kids get gold stars from me for winning spelling bees. at my elementary we would have contests to see who could look up words in the dictionary the fastest. the teacher would say a word and whoever could say the definition first won. i never won. haha. but i like the paper they use in dictionaries. it's thin, and i like thumbing through it. and i like the chunks taken out of the side so you can find the beginning letters easier. yep dictionaries.

lately i've been having crazy dreams. not crazy in the sense that they are tripped out, but i wake up and i say "why would i dream that" it's frustrating because it's things i'm trying to forget about but my brain subconsciously brings it back up and i don't enjoy it at all. but normally i sleep on my stomach and both times i had strange dreams i woke up on my back which never happens maybe it has something to do with the way i'm sleeping, or i'm thrashing about in my sleep, who knows. but the first string of these dreams i woke up in fright which also never happens because i never have dreams that are so frightening i wake up out of breathe, but it happened. i can't even say what it was about right now but it was scary. i'm trying to think of the scariest dream i have ever had and i think it was when i was about nine. haha it's funny because whenever something takes place in my past and i have no idea how old i am i always assume i was nine, i guess nine was a big year for me or something. but i had a dream there were some huge giant creatures attacking my house and they made these horrible noises, so i was hiding. it's been a long time since this dream so that's all i really remember. but then i was somewhere about 6 years later and i heard that horrible noise or something similar and i just about jumped out of my skin, i was sooo scared. most of my dreams are very vivid as i'm sure everyones are but sometimes i have dreams about things that happened the same night i went to bed and when i wake up i don't know which parts are real and what i just dreamed up. just goes to show i live in my own little world. hehe.

but something i haven't had in a long time is deja vu. i love them it's one of my favorite things. i get excited when it happens because it's a feeling almost like freefalling. i miss it. k now i'm off to eat butterfingers and ice cream because i can.

that exists

today i received some chapstick advertising for "the art of kissing" 7pm feb. 9th pomeranz stage. i just started laughing. how awkward is that going to be, okay lets go and watch people we know make-out and teach us how to kiss others, and maybe we'll get a few practice rounds in there. seriously, what the hell? i guess i have a free tube of chap-stick so no complaints about that, but really, wow! i love how this is all centered around valentines day, as though that is the only time we really should make out and show affection for people we are involved with. that's just irritating. i mean i know the whole story about saint valentine and his uniting people in holy matramony when it was outlawed because "single men made better soldiers than those with a wive and kid/s" i wanted to make sure my facts were correct on this so i just looked at history.com and they give the story of saint valentine and then at the end of the story is says "a special thanks to American Greetings" if this isn't a "halmark" holiday i don't know what is. i mean i get it i really do we are celebrating the fact we have the freedom to love whoever we want blah blah blah, but can't we do that every day? i mean why not, it couldn't hurt. i dont know maybe i'm an idealist when it comes to this type of stuff but when i see people showing they care for each other but especially on this day it makes me think, why? why not the 15th or any other day of the week. i wouldn't turn down flowers if they were brought to me tomorrow. this is a rant and now it's over. and i don't like chocolate, maybe that's the underlying disapproval. and i don't hold an excellent thought process so my arguements are weak...yep.

today i realized as well i'm not a fan of jack johnson. i just don't like his voice or music, lindsey and emily love him, i do not. sorry jack johnson.

this is it

so lindsey and i, well mostly me, were watching a cake decorating contest on food network and i decided i would add that to a list of things i want to do in my lifetime. how cool would that be to go to a potluck or some sort of event and bring a fully decorated cake, it would be great! i think i just want to learn how to make food in general, i figure if i can alphabetize book via the dewey decimal system i can learn how to cook food. those two things are in no way related but makes sense to me. i wrote down in advertising class today some things i've said i've always wanted to do 1. see the PGA tour at pebble beach 2.go to a professional NHL hockey game where the pittsburg penguins vs. the new jersey devils 3. i want to open my own seamstress shop 4. i have tons of ideas for sculpture pieces so doing all those and putting them in a show 5. of course the cake decorating. the list will continue to grow.

i have mentioned before, i want to use food items to make art. i'm supposed to make lindsey a chair made of licorice, so i guess i will add that to my list because if i can do that i can do anything.

so yeah. this is what i thought of today as i was in advertising. oh i want to make a book on my birthday which is like next week so maybe not this year, but each year i want to make a list of every single thing i own, that is mine. it's a double edge sword because it makes me feel like wow i have susstained life on my own, but then it will make me feel like i have a lot of things and then i will want to give some away. that's what i'll do. i'll list everything i own, and see what i have the most of and give some of it away. i feel like clothes will be a large chunk because i never get rid of everything, mostly for sewing purposes. but yes a nice little book each year of what i own, it would make me think a lot if i read ones from past years. ha.

...

i'm pretty sure i ate too much food and it's poisoning my body. sometimes i don't know when to stop eating and then it's too late, i'm uncomfortably full. such an awkward feeling and it makes me sleepy, but then again what doesnt.

so going along with my prior post yesterday, i want to make something that involves touching and feeling. like a touch and feel poster or something like that. it's something i've always wanted to do, ever since last semester! i'm on a big "dealing with the senses" kick right now. i want to do more than have something people look at, i like interaction. my very first idea was "touch and feel twister" each little circle instead of being red, blue, green, or yellow (i think those are the colors? i never play cause i hate games) each one would be a different type of texture. example red would be soft textures, like blankets, feathers etc. but some would be gross like, sticky or squishy. i think it would add a new twist to the game. get it twist, twister ahahaha. i have this idea written down somewhere, but it's definitely something i will consider for my final publication, even though touch and feel twister is not a publication...it's a game. i'm going to keep hashing things out with this one cause as i said before it's something i really want to do! sooo touch and feel twister copyright sara withers2006. somedays i miss journalism law, today is not that day. and back to the twister idea. if it was more of an installation i would make it a one use game. and have all sorts of crazy things like food item and stuff, so it could be really gross. and as lindsey said touch and feel twister sounds pretty kinky so i guess it could go that way. it probably is already sitting in some adult toy shop. haha. so many possibilities with twister...it could keep you warm on those oh so cold days. this blog has trailed off and ended.

smells smell

so the other day i really wanted to make a book of smells. this is broad, but i've given it a lot of thought. okay. so most of how i document my life is done through photography. most of the photos i have are of my family, friends,etc. this is how i establish them, but what if i could capture their smell, or a smell that reminds me of them. it sounds creepy and well it really is, but every person, place or thing has a certain smell to them. and when i smell that smell or something similar i think of that person,place or thing just like if i saw a visual image of it, i automatically think of them. so yeah, instead of a photo album i want to do a smell album of sorts. i have no idea how one goes about capturing smells but i'll see what i can do. it would be some sealed container so the album would be an awkward shape, but i think i would make it out of an old box suitcase, and each page would have a sealed jar type thing, and a photo of the person, so when others smell the smell they will know who i see in my head when i smell the smell. i thought about having it like fragrance ads in magazines, where you open up the paper and it smells, but i don't even know where to begin with that. i'm pretty sure this all came about becuse i went home for a night and when i was at home i just smelled my house and it was home. so yes, i want to document the people and places in my life through smells, i think if i could pull this off it would be awesome! there is still a lot to be planned, but i think it would be great, and that way if i ever go on a long trip or move away from the things i know and love, i can take them with me, then i would have photos and smells so it would be as though i never left. another good reason to put it in a suitcase.

freeeeeeezing

it was unbearably cold yesterday and i hate it more than i hate doing dishes. as i was walking and my face went numb, i really wanted to set up a heated tent somewhere on campus as sort of a warm yourself for a bit and then go to class. it would have sand, and beach umbrellas, hot beverages or beverages when consumed in large amounts make you "feel" warm...wink. it would be like an oasis but only warm. we always try to accomodate for the heat in the summer, fans, air conditioned facilities, free bottled water etc. but everyone always just deals with the cold, "it's the cold, what can you do?" i want to fight the cold, i don't know how but i do. i'm just ranting because the cold irritates me so much. i think within the next few years i will have to investigate new geographical living areas, i think dry heat would be ideal. arizona, the southwest/west. moist heat is disgusting. the only thing that sucks about dry heat is a whole new rhelm of animals that thrive there. crazy snakes really freak me out. the worst i've seen here is a garden snake, but in desert areas there are so many more and that freaks me out. i don't mind snakes, just when i know where they are, when they come out of nowhere and surprise me that's when i panic.

the best thing about snakes is how they move. it's amazing and so different than most animals we see. no apendages to aid with travel, just muscles contracting and relaxing. so interesting, especially the snakes that are really fast. i mean worms move the same way, but they are slow and uncoordinated, so snakes, yes! lately i've been very nature drawn, probably because i'm cooped up all day everyday inside because i never have a free moment and when i was small and lived in rural iowa all i did was explore. i need to do more exploring, it's liberating.

so today i ventured to the mall. ahhh scary, but i was there insanely too long and i was by myself so it makes it 10 times worse. but it sparked something i've always wanted to do and that is make something out of mannequins. i know people do it all the time and blah blah who cares. i want to use mannequins to bring to life one of my drawings. it involves clowns with a plug and cord coming out of it's eye. i want to make it really work and glow, how kick ass would that be. i'll see if i can rummage up a photo of that drawing cause it makes sense to me cause i created it, but to others not so much. this blog is going to help me out a lot when i get the opportunity to create artwork i want to and have so many ideas i can't remember them all. k. mannequin clowns with plugs/cords coming out of there eyes. done.

i also realized today i fucking hate washing dishes. this has nothing to do with anything, but i really do. i just want to throw them every time i see them in the sink. i mean the whole set only cost me $5, garage sale special, it's sooo tempting, but i don't think the roommates would appreciate that too much. i love/don't love garage sales, i like that everything is cheap and i'm giving it a home other than the landfill. but i hate them because it sometimes creeps me out thinking that someone i don't know used this same exact thing, mostly dishes, cause i don't know i like clean things a lot. that's why i never buy shoes at thrift stores, i could never do it, i might cry. but it's no different than buying t-shirts there either, i mean someone has sweat in your shirt. ahhhh. sure it's been washed but how clean is it really? i want someone to do a dateline investigation as to how clean your clothes really get after you wash them. okay. well i think we've covered all the topics: clowns, dishes and thrift store freakouts. it's time to end this day.

some fine reading

so i was at work today, which consists of selling merchandise, etc etc. and i figured i would get some homework done while i'm at it, so art history it was. i was reading about roman art and they were talking about how the romans started thinking about making art that is deceptive to viewers. i really like deceptive art so this caught my attention. i mean why recreate something which already exists. i think it's great when artists can mimic something so well, it's hard to decifer whether it's a photo or a drawing, or something along those lines. these roman artists were creating work which were windows painted on walls and they were to mimic the outside world. if an artist could mimic a window or door and actually fool people, that to me would be amazing and a great moment to show that they can recreate the world. but it's funny the book i was reading was talking about this because my dad recently gave me an old cabinet front and it looks like a window, i'm pretty sure it's so i can make deceptive art, i mean what else would i do with it. maybe "looking into the future" sometimes i like to think i can predict the future, i guess this would be a time to put my money where my mouth is even though i have zero dollars. but i'm glad everything has come together and that cabinet frame has a purpose in life. hooray!

symmetry

so today in survey 2 we were talking about sexuality in contemporary world powers because in this victory stele this author was saying how the way the leader is portrayed is in a way showing his attractiveness and power. blah blah blah. but it was interesting because then we started talking about current world leaders and how they are portrayed can be similar. a guy in my class was talking about how a poll of women during the clinton scandal said she should be punished for his wrong because he was so attractive. and that got me thinking about a conversation i had with lindsey before my class about how she saw or was reading a study about how people who are more symmetrical are more appealing to the eye. if you think about this theory, it makes complete sense but i find it sooo intersting and it makes me want to take headshots of people i know and see if they are symmetrical or not. not just to be like ahhh you are technically not as attractive as so and so, but just applying a science to the way people look because no one looks exactly like anyone else. i think i will start doing that and posting them. i'll have to do some research about "ideal" measurements but it will be fun.

here are some pictures from chicago i took last week. it takes me a while to do things like load pictures, but i loooove reflections. enjoy!

miles and miles

this weekend involved a lot of driving. from des moines to iowa city to chicago to iowa city to des moines to minden to des moines. it's like 1,000 miles or something, insane. i can't even imagine what it was like before modern automobiles to make a trip like that. there would be no such thing as a quick trip. but then again, things were not as busy busy rush rush like they are now. it would be so great, and i would do this if the interstate was a more friendly place but i would love to walk my common trips like from des moines to iowa city. because when i'm in the car, i always say "soo close, i just want to get there" it would bring a whole different situation if i was walking, i would take forever it would seem. i can't even fathum the experience, but i don't think it's very safe to just walk the interstate, but i guess i would just walk the shoulders or even down lower where the road meets nature. but maybe some day i'll feel motivated and do just that. of course the appropriate documentation would happen, if it was a long trip that takes days, sleeping would be the hardest part of all because it would be terrifying to sleep out there, so exposed and unprotected but none the less it would be interesting. i guess i could take the highways, maybe not as scary but worth a shot. hmmmm this could be a great " hey i just graduated and want to do something outrageous before i have to get a real job" experiment. i would pick up trash while i was walking my route, it just makes sense. it would be like hiking iowa from one destination to the next. like ragbrai but m uch longer and i don't think i could walk across iowa, maybe not in the beginning. then there is the factor of wow, i do have a job right now but that would be part of the whole experience. do you leave behind the hectic world you live in now for something more relaxing or would that be too boring.

okay the final thing would be 1 week, i would do my normal schedule for one week. all my normal stops, and time everything. how long i was in a car. then the next week everything would be walking and i would time everything again and make the comparison. a trip to iowa city or the opposite direction, western iowa where i grew up would take forever but would be a great experiment.

THE BEAN, I SAW THE BEAN!

I was in Chicago today and saw the big bean in the park. it is sooo great. simple but effective. i will have pictures tomorrow when i download them on my computer. but the bean is reflective and i forgot how much i love reflective objects. i want to do a whole series of photographs that involve taking pictures through reflections. it's like going through another medium to get an image. almost fake, but it makes me think philosophy of time travel thing. or something along the lines of the decisions you don't make are a whole different world. i read about this somewhere, i'm not just making things up, i don't do that. but reflections make me think of that because it's like a whole different world because what you see is not exactly like you would see it if you were looking at it in the flesh. it's hard for me to put into words what i'm trying to say so i kind of sound like i have no idea whats going on, but the thoughts are there just not communicated very well. that's why i would love to do a photo series on this. because to try and visually communicate that seeing through reflections is like seeing into another world. becasue you see things and you think they are reality but really you are just seeing what is shown in the reflections. yeah. i'll have to keep forming this out there thought into something constructive, and the only way to do that is to take pictures, i'll add it to my list of things to do.

so it wasn't allergies

today was my visit #2 to the doctors office for this "allergic" rash i am currently wearing. come to find out it's some sort of virus, meaning it's not contagious and there is really nothing i can do to rid myself of it. so good/bad news cause it is really annoying. so i ask "how can i contract something like this" and the response is "who knows, it could have come from anywhere, at the grocery store...anywhere" first that makes me paranoid because i didn't know about this virus entering my body, how many other things are just coming and going with out me noticing because me, myself, personality, who i am and what i do are just one aspect of this complex body. it's two separate worlds coming together in one physical form. the inner workings of the body are like backstage at a show, no one see the work and effort going on, and if things didn't happen backstage nothing would be happening at the show. this is a terrible metaphor that i would think of, but so many things happen to me in one day that not only keep me alive but allow me to function as who i am. i am always talking about how i think it's amazing how we are all technically the same, humans, mammals all that stuff, but no one is exactly the same, no one, it's not possible. there is no way one person likes and dislikes, has the same tendencies, looks, moves, evaluates situations like me. why don't i like bananas, i don't know, i just don't. so many varieties to the same thing. it's just a great thing. this rambling has really gone nowhere, too many things entering my brain at once, it could have traveled so many paths, like the systematic workings of the body, or germs, or other medical things i know nothing about, but it did spark a great sculpture idea involving the things i prefer and not...should be a fun time.